SHEEPY ANALYSIS

File Code: LAMBDA-PRIME-042
 Classification: RED-OMEGA ULTRA BLACK
 Clearance Required: Level 7+
 Compiled by: Joint Terrestrial-Anomalous Events Committee (JTAEC)


 

SUBJECT OVERVIEW

Codename: SHEEPY
 Designation: Anomalous Bioform — Interplanetary Threat
 First Recorded Sighting: Unknown. Earliest confirmed interaction — REAL MOON LANDING incident, 1969 (unofficial).
 Status: Active. Mobile. Impossible to fully contain.


 

PHYSICAL DESCRIPTION

Sheepy superficially resembles a domestic sheep (Ovis aries) when dormant, but when active displays full bipedal posture and humanoid locomotion. This upright stance is stable, fluid, and allows for tool use and advanced combat maneuvers.

  • Height: Variable — recorded between 1.8m (dormant) to over 5m (aggressive stance).

  • Mass: Non-constant; shifts depending on environmental needs.

  • Arms: Long, muscular forelimbs capable of 180° rotation at the shoulder joint; claws concealed within hoof structures.

  • Eyes: Reflective, no visible pupil. Capable of emitting coherent energy beams (see Toys 'R' Us Incident, 1997).

  • Locomotion: Walks and runs upright with a smooth, predatory gait. Can revert to quadrupedal stance for extreme bursts of speed.


 

PRIMARY ANOMALOUS ABILITIES

1. Void Wool Storage

Sheepy’s fleece functions as a spatial singularity. Any object — regardless of size or mass — can be absorbed into the wool. Once stored, objects cannot be detected by any form of scan, including neutrino imaging.

  • Confirmed stored items: Saturn ring fragments (Operation Saturn Stomp), lunar tin scrap (Real Moon Landing), 14 bicycles, and one functioning nuclear submarine (origin unknown).

  • Storage appears infinite. Theoretical limit unconfirmed.


 

2. Wool Replication Cascade

If any part of Sheepy’s wool is severed, it undergoes a rapid self-replication process, forming an entirely new organism identical to Sheepy.

  • Replication completes in 11–43 minutes.

  • Copies inherit Sheepy’s full intelligence, memories, and grudges.

  • Unknown total population count; estimates range from 1–∞.

  • Footnote in Bezos file: “If more than one Sheepy exists, interstellar warfare may already be occurring without human awareness.”


 

3. Interplanetary Locomotion

Sheepy can travel between planets without technology. Propulsion method unknown — possibly involving controlled gravitational slingshots or localized spacetime folding. Travel times are not bound by conventional physics; Sheepy has reached Saturn in under 90 minutes (Operation Saturn Stomp).


 

4. Cognitive Warfare

Capable of inducing hallucinations, confusion, and panic in intelligent species within a 2km radius. In the Mushroom Genocide file, fungal colonies displayed collective erratic behavior prior to extermination — believed to be a result of Sheepy’s influence.


 

5. Planetary Impact Potential

Single hoof-stomp can generate tectonic activity detectable on the opposite side of a celestial body. Sheepy may be able to destabilize moons or small planets if motivated.


 

BEHAVIORAL ANALYSIS

  • Bipedal stance is not merely a physical trait but appears to be Sheepy’s preferred combat posture, allowing for precision strikes and intimidation.

  • Observed using tools and weapons stored in its void wool during both Bezos and Mushroom Genocide incidents.

  • Behavior suggests a mix of curiosity, territorial aggression, and personal vendetta — particularly toward Jeff Bezos and all fungi.

  • Known to engage in performative acts for intimidation (e.g., carving symbols into Saturn’s hexagonal storm).


 

UNKNOWN VARIABLES

  • The possibility of multiple Sheepys existing concurrently poses the single greatest unidentified threat to planetary safety.

  • If replication events go unchecked, exponential Sheepy population growth could lead to Sheep Event Horizon — theoretical scenario in which all matter is converted into Sheepy biomass.

  • Wool storage contents are inaccessible; the implications of a failed containment release are catastrophic.


 

RECOMMENDATION

  • Avoid hostile interaction.

  • Never remove or damage Sheepy’s wool.

  • Treat any “Sheepy sighting” as potentially a duplicate — never assume only one exists.

  • Prepare planetary evacuation protocols if multiple confirmed sightings occur on separate worlds simultaneously.


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