JOINT TERRESTRIAL–ANOMALOUS EVENTS COMMITTEE

CLASSIFIED – INTERNAL DISTRIBUTION ONLY

FILE REFERENCE: OPERATION PARKING – POST-INCIDENT DIRECTIVE

DATE: [REDACTED]

STATUS: Infuriated but Technically Powerless

 

SUBJECT: Unauthorized Leak of C.A.T.S. “Victory Memo” – Morale Impact and Response

 

Following the unauthorized public disclosure of the document internally referred to as “Sheepy’s Victory Memo” (Ref: C.A.T.S. Archives, OPERATION PARKING), the JTAEC finds itself facing:

  1. Erosion of Authority – Multiple agents have been approached by civilians asking, “So how’s the parking garage stakeout going?” This is unacceptable.

  2. Operational Humiliation – The memo has been re-posted on various internet forums with the caption “C.A.T.S. parking harder than you work.” One upload has surpassed 1.3 million views.

  3. Agent Defection Risk – Agent [REDACTED] formally resigned after admitting they “had a great time parking there” and “got a crochet keychain from the vampire lady.”

 

DIRECTIVES MOVING FORWARD:

  • All personnel are prohibited from speaking to, tipping, or otherwise fraternizing with any C.A.T.S. parking garage attendants.

  • Do not park in the C.A.T.S. facility, even during lunch breaks. Parking validation is not worth the humiliation.

  • Should Sheepy attempt verbal intimidation using the phrase “Goooo hooomeee”, agents are to maintain composure and avoid eye contact.

  • Yuki’s crocheted “security cameras” are not real surveillance devices. Cease reporting them in daily security logs.

  • Elrod is not to be referred to as “Officer Elrod” under any circumstances.

 

CURRENT LEGAL SITUATION:

At this time, no legal action can be taken against the C.A.T.S. parking operation. Multiple reviews by the Department of Transportation, the City Council, and one very smug municipal judge have confirmed full compliance with all laws.

 

CLOSING REMARK:

While the JTAEC does not condone “petty vengeance operations,” it is clear that the C.A.T.S. are attempting to wage psychological warfare through the medium of municipal parking. Countermeasures are under development. Until then…

We will watch. We will wait. We will never pay for parking there again.

— Director [REDACTED]

Joint Terrestrial–Anomalous Events Committee
 

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