📄 TOP SECRET – EYES ONLY 
File No.: OPERATION ANTLERFALL 
Subject: The Moose Conflict & Subsequent Ban of Subject “Sheepy” 
Classification Level: ULTRA BLACK (DO NOT RELEASE) 

 

1. SUBJECT IDENTIFICATION 

  • Code Name: Sheepy 

  • Species: Ovis aries (ram; believes himself to be a sheep due to wool covering) 

  • Known Aliases: "Woolen Menace," "Green Glow," "REE Lord," "Box Dweller" 

  • Special Equipment: Emotional Support Hatchet, Portable Rocket Launcher (provenance unknown) 

 

2. INCIDENT SUMMARY 
On [REDACTED], Subject Sheepy crossed into Canadian territory via an improvised raft constructed from hockey sticks and maple syrup barrels. The stated objective: 

“To end the tyrannical reign of the Moose, and maybe find some tin cans.” 

Upon entry, Sheepy initiated hostilities against Alces alces (North American moose). The conflict, later termed The War of Antlers & Wool, lasted approximately 17 hours. Casualties among the Moose were estimated at HALF THE POPULATION, with the remainder fleeing into remote territories. 

 

3. TACTICS EMPLOYED 

  • Close Quarters: Emotional Support Hatchet proved devastating in hoof-to-hoof combat. 

  • Ranged Combat: Rocket Launcher used with alarming precision, allegedly “guided by the Great Sheep in the Sky” (later confirmed to be a cloud). 

  • Psychological Warfare: Subject spread anti-moose propaganda, claiming “Moose are just tall deer with bad social skills.” Morale collapsed rapidly. 

 

4. COLLATERAL DAMAGE 

  • 3 National Parks reduced to crater-like formations. 

  • 1 Tim Hortons obliterated (“accidental,” per subject). 

  • Complete destruction of an NHL stadium during ongoing playoff season. 

  • Unexplained drop in maple syrup reserves (suspected consumption by Subject). 

 

5. AFTERMATH 
The Canadian government convened an emergency session. Due to widespread panic, infrastructure damage, and ecological destabilization, Subject Sheepy was declared Persona Non Grata. Official letter delivered: 

“Under the authority of the Government of Canada, you are hereby banned from Canadian soil indefinitely. 
This ban is non-negotiable. 
Signed: The Prime Minister, the Council of Moose Elders, and every surviving Mountie.” 

 

6. CURRENT STATUS 
Sheepy retreated southward, reportedly muttering: 

“I never liked poutine anyway.” 

His wool continues to emit a faint green glow when hungry, possibly due to radiation ingestion from prior incidents (see File: CHERNOBYL-REAL-STORY). Intelligence reports indicate Sheepy has now declared open war on Skinwalkers. Situation ongoing. 

 

📌 NOTE: 
Under no circumstances are operatives to approach Sheepy with: 

  • A flamethrower 

  • A tin can larger than 1.5 liters 

  • Any government-issued orders 
    Failure to comply may result in the subject materializing in your proximity. 

Below is an audio log for our hearing impaired operatives