COALITION OF ALLIED TERRAN SOCIOPATHS

AFTER-ACTION COMMENTARY

File Ref: “Le Hon Hon Incident”

Compiled by: Taz (Eldritch Abomination, Death Squad Lead Scientist)

Distribution: Internal – All Members, Especially for Mockery Purposes

 

Overview:

Following the utter implosion of the JTAEC’s credibility after Operation Parchment Swipe (Operation Wooly in their confused little files), it has come to our attention that they have just now realized the “Frenchy” they kidnapped was not our historian… but Elrod. Wearing a fake mustache. And doing his own very questionable French accent.

For the record, this was entirely intentional.

 

Reasoning Behind the Disguise:

  • Elrod lost a poker game to Quinnz and Yuki.

  • The agreed-upon punishment was: “Pretend to be Frenchy until someone important believes you.”

  • We never expected the JTAEC to fall for it this hard.

  • We especially didn’t expect them to run a 94% facial recognition match to Elrod and still detain him.

  • Bonus points: they kept him for three weeks, during which Elrod taught them how to “cook like a Parisian” (this was just boiling canned ravioli).

 

Direct Comments from Members:

Taz: “They went insane over a fake mustache. I make horrors beyond their comprehension for fun, but this? This was art.”

Sheepy: “Baaahaaa… they thought that was Frenchy? I’ve seen rocks with better acting.”

Ridly: “I told Elrod to wink every time he said ‘oui oui’. The fact that they didn’t catch on is why the government shouldn’t have nice things.”

Yuki: “The best part was crocheting him a little striped shirt so it would look more authentic. Worth every hour.”

Holy Mother: “Bless their little paranoid hearts. They’re probably waterboarding their own agents now.”

 

Notable Outcome:

The JTAEC has entered what we in the Coalition call a Full Paranoia Spiral™. According to our moles, they are:

  • Questioning whether the real Frenchy ever existed.

  • Conducting “identity verification drills” on themselves.

  • Burning all berets in storage.

  • Seriously considering that they might be Frenchy.

We are absolutely making shirts that say "We Might Be Frenchy" for the next Coalition meetup.

 

Closing Statement:

We will not clarify whether the real Frenchy exists.

We will not stop calling Elrod “Le Hon Hon” for at least the next five years.

And yes — the fake mustache is now framed in the Coalition Hall of Fame.

Document stolen by JTAEC
Below is an audio log for our hearing impaired operatives.