JOINT TERRESTRIAL–ANOMALOUS EVENTS COMMITTEE

CLASSIFIED INVESTIGATION DOSSIER

FILE DESIGNATION: OPERATION PARKING

DATE OPENED: ██/██/20██

CLASSIFICATION: CONFIDENTIAL – INTERNAL DISTRIBUTION ONLY

 

SUMMARY

Operation Parking concerns the sudden acquisition and operation of a multi-story parking garage in ████████ by the Coalition of Allied Terran Sociopaths (C.A.T.S.). Surveillance confirms multiple high-ranking members are directly employed within the garage in positions that appear… mundane.

The reasoning behind the operation remains entirely unclear. Intelligence analysts have failed to identify any illegal activity, anomalous phenomena, or hostile intent. Nevertheless, the situation is being monitored due to the C.A.T.S.’ historic unpredictability.

 

OBSERVED PERSONNEL ASSIGNMENTS

  • Quinnz (Garage Manager) – Oversees all operations from a second-floor glass office. Wears a hi-vis vest with “Queen of the Ramp” written on the back. Appears highly organized, possibly too organized.

  • Taz (Lot Checker) – Walks the garage with a clipboard. Known eldritch abomination; disguises himself as a human male. Spends time staring through parked vehicles, unsettling patrons.

  • Elrod (Lot Checker) – Assists Taz. Known drifter. Somehow gains payment in “loose pocket change and sandwiches” from drivers, despite no official fee schedule.

  • Yuki (Security) – Stationed near the entrance booth. Seen crocheting what appears to be a spiked bat during shifts. Claims it’s “just for decoration.”

  • Johnathan (On-Site Therapist) – Has a small office in the garage stairwell. Offers “express therapy” to distressed patrons. Rates are listed as “Pay what you feel your trauma is worth.”

  • Special Bean (Lot Attendant) – Directs traffic with uncanny efficiency. Patrons consistently report feeling “overly protected” in her presence.

  • Sheepy (Security) – Patrols levels two through five holding a Wiffle ball bat laced with lead. Tells drivers to “Goooo hooomeee” in a drawn-out tone, regardless of whether they are arriving or leaving.

  • Holy Mother & Daddy Jakob (Emotional Support) – Often present on-site, greeting patrons warmly. Their role is entirely undefined.

  • Ridly (Security) – Patrols alongside Sheepy. Wears oversized aviator sunglasses and a plastic sheriff’s badge.

 

INCIDENT LOGS:

  • 08:43: Taz writes a parking ticket on a vehicle with no violations. Reason listed as: “It knows what it did.”

  • 12:16: Sheepy shoos away a delivery truck after claiming the “energy of the ramp is off.”

  • 14:51: Yuki politely asks a man to move his vehicle while finishing a row of crochet stitches.

  • 15:03: Quinnz denies an interview request from undercover agents, citing “no press on ramp level three.”

 

LEGAL REVIEW:

Extensive legal examination has confirmed:

  • All licensing for the parking garage is in order.

  • All employees are paid above minimum wage.

  • No evidence of laundering, contraband storage, or anomalous containment has been observed.

Conclusion: The parking garage is, inexplicably, legitimate. Analysts remain frustrated.

 

NOTES:

“It’s the most infuriating operation we’ve ever observed. They’re just… running a parking garage.” — Agent ████████, Surveillance Lead

“They have to be up to something. No one that unhinged runs legal businesses for fun.” — Analyst ████

“If I had to guess? Sheepy just likes yelling at cars.” — Field Operative ███

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