[BEGIN LEAKED C.A.T.S. GROUP CHAT LOG]

Source: Unknown (Likely Yuki, “accidentally on purpose”)

Timestamp: [REDACTED]

Note: Spelling/formatting preserved for authenticity.

Quinnz: Soooo… the JTAEC dropped a “parking garage ban” on all their agents. 🤣

Sheepy: Gooooo hooomeeeeee 🐑🪓

Ridly: That memo was pure salt. Tasted great on my fries.

Holy Mother: Let us remember to show compassion for their wounded pride.

Daddy Jakob: No.

Special Bean: Wait—did they seriously list my lot attendant role as “suspicious”? I just hand out tickets!

Yuki: They think my crocheted security cameras are real. Do you know how many I sold on Etsy this week?

Taz: 🤡 Absolute clowns. Also—HAHAHAHA.

They STILL think “Subject Frenchy” is some mysterious historian we kidnapped for intel.

Newsflash: IT’S JUST ELROD WITH A FAKE MUSTACHE AND A HORRIBLE FRENCH ACCENT. 🥖🇫🇷

We didn’t even try to hide it. He kept saying “hon hon hon” at the city permit office.

Elrod: Hon hon hon. Oui oui. I am zee Frenchy.

Johnathan: I told you that would work.

Quinnz: And it still does. Three years running.

Sheepy: Hon hon hooomeeeeee.

Ridly: I’m crying. They have no idea.

Holy Mother: We must cherish these moments of divine comedy.

Daddy Jakob: Or weaponize them.

Special Bean: Can we make a “Frenchy Parking Discount” day?

Yuki: Already crocheting the sign.

[END LOG]

Leaked.. Somehow

Below is an audio log for our hearing impaired operatives.