COALITION OF ALLIED TERRAN SOCIOPATHS (C.A.T.S.)

UNREDACTED FOR INTERNAL DISTRIBUTION

FILE DESIGNATION: RUST HARVEST SUCCESS REPORT

COMPILED BY: Lead Engineer – Sheepy 🐏

CLASSIFICATION: "Eh, let ‘em read it — they can’t stop me."

 

TO: All C.A.T.S. Members

FROM: Sheepy

SUBJECT: The Harvest Continues, and JTAEC is Crying About It

 

STATUS UPDATE:

Operation Rust Harvest is now 147% ahead of schedule, thanks in no small part to the fact that the Joint Terrestrial–Anomalous Events Committee can’t tell the difference between a pile of rusty bolts and a trap I left for them that squeaks when you touch it.

The wool void is approximately 38% rust at this point, meaning if I sneezed hard enough, I could sandblast a battleship.

 

HIGHLIGHTS:

  • Successfully removed entire bridge railings in Nebraska without alerting local law enforcement. I left a cardboard cutout of me holding a "Free Hugs" sign just to see what they’d do. (They took selfies with it.)

  • Stripped Eastern European train cars while humming the JTAEC’s own anthem into one of their surveillance drones. (They cut the feed. Cowards.)

  • Dockyard theft of 3.4 metric tons of rusted shipping container panels completed in under two hours. Taz says he’s going to turn them into “something spicy.” I’m afraid to ask.

 

NOTABLE QUOTES:

“Removing rust from infrastructure will cause catastrophic structural collapse.” — JTAEC

Yeah, no kidding. That’s called tactical urban renewal.

“Excessive accumulation of rust in Sheepy’s wool void could cause matter displacement events.” — JTAEC

Oh no, what if I accidentally launch a piece of rusty rebar into their headquarters from another dimension? What a tragedy.

 

NEXT STEPS:

  • Continue harvesting rust from high-visibility targets just to get in their reports.

  • Target military scrap yards. (Bonus points if we find grenade-can hybrids for the collection.)

  • Knit a scarf out of oxidized steel wool to wear during next C.A.T.S. meeting. (Yuki says she’ll help.)

 

PERSONAL NOTE FROM SHEEPY:

To the JTAEC reading this because you will find it — I see you. I know you’re impressed. And yes, the railings did taste better than the dock panels.

Rust Harvest rolls on. You can’t stop the fluff.

🐏 — Sheepy, Lead Engineer of C.A.T.S.
 

Document stolen by JTAEC
Below is an audio log for our hearing impaired operatives.